Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
