Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
