she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
