Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
