if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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