It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I love having hate sex.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
