OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
