I cannot find my penis.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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