You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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