so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
