I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Blow job season was short but glorious.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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