So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
