if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
