the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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