My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
