Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If I die, sorry about rent.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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