last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
