dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
