TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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