Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
