I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
