I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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