I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
