I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think your dad took our porno
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
