i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
