why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
