At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She announced her abortion via fbk
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
