she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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