i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
