he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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