i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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