She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
