i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
someone owes me an orgasm
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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