just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
