Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
