Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
