You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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