Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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