Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I AM VODKA MAN
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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