last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
