I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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