if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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