it was like his penis was on wheels.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
