This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
