Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
