And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
