If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
