So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
