and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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