Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
